The Research
A growing body of research links nonattachment to well-being, pain tolerance, openness, and prosociality. The evidence points to intervention targets across biological, psychological, interpersonal, and cultural levels.
Noticing the pull without being pulled
We get hooked. On approval, on being right, on control, on status, on the next purchase. These hooks promise connection, prestige, and safety. But they start running our lives. Nonattachment is learning to notice the pull, and choosing what actually matters.
"Your worth = your likes"
Chase the dopamine hit
"Buy this and they'll respect you"
Feel the rush of buying
"Can you BELIEVE what they did?"
Righteous anger feels good
"Stay positive!"
Chase the happy feeling
"One more spin/level"
Chase the win
"Sleep is for the weak"
Your productivity = your value
"Their life looks perfect"
Chase the ideal image
"I need to win this argument"
Certainty as identity
"This is the only way I feel special"
Comfort becomes compulsion
"What do you do?"
You are your job title
"I'm the main character"
My story, my needs, my world
"I'll be happy when..."
Happiness is always one step away
An influencer sees an Instagram notification: three new red hearts. Mood ticks up. Five minutes later, no more hearts; mood ticks down. Within an hour, they've checked fifteen times. They know the count doesn't change their actual friendships or worth, yet this arbitrary symbol now steers their behavior as if it were real connection.
The pattern shows up everywhere. We feel the rush of filling an online shopping cart, then feel flat the moment the packages arrive. We log seventy-hour weeks for the next promotion, trading sleep and relationships for a job title. We scroll past a political post, feel the flare of righteous anger, and forward it to our group chat: the hit of belonging and being right. Different arenas, same loop: symbolic payoffs (likes, purchases, status, being right) begin to dominate, narrowing our choices and diverting attention from what actually matters.
Nonattachment is the capacity to notice this pull without automatically acting on it, and to redirect toward what's real and present. It's not about becoming passive or indifferent. It's about developing the flexibility to choose.
At its heart, nonattachment is recognizing that these symbols (the likes, the status, the feeling of being right) are not solid things. They're transient mental events, arising and passing like weather. We don't have to cling to them. We don't have to build our lives around holding onto what was never meant to be held.
"...to be here is much, and the transient Here
seems to need and concern us strangely. Us, the most transient.
Everyone once, only once. Just once and no more.
And we also once. Never again. But this
having been once, although only once,
to have been of the earth, seems irrevocable."
— Rainer Maria Rilke, The Ninth Elegy
This insight appears across traditions: Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Sikh, Islamic, and secular psychological approaches. This suggests it addresses something fundamental about being human. The transient is not a problem to solve. It is the ground we stand on.
When the hooks take hold, we find ourselves chasing outrage, defending positions, accumulating things we don't need, and chasing popularity, status and the perfect life. The more we chase, the smaller life becomes.
Noticing the pull without automatically acting on it. The craving is still there, but we can see it, name it, and choose differently. We stay in the difficult conversation. We close the shopping tab. We let someone else be right. We act from what matters, not what glitters.
It's not the symbols of status, prestige, or being liked that cause suffering. It's the rigid grip on them. Enjoying recognition is fine. Needing it to feel okay is where we lose our freedom.
A growing body of research links nonattachment to well-being, pain tolerance, openness, and prosociality. The evidence points to intervention targets across biological, psychological, interpersonal, and cultural levels.
Free materials to support understanding and practice of nonattachment.
Talks, interviews, and guided practices related to nonattachment.
Videos coming soon...